Healing the Little Girl Who Was Taught to Diet 

If you’ve ever felt stuck in a cycle of dieting, shame, or body criticism, this episode is your invitation to pause and meet the younger you with compassion. Nikki shares simple reparenting exercises to help you rewrite your body story and start healing old wounds. Because you weren’t born hating your body…you learned it…and you absolutely can unlearn it.

Want to dive deeper so you can create the body you love? There are currently 2 ways to directly work with me. My Master Your Mind to Change Your Body Group program which you can learn all about by going to weightlossforwomenover40.net/group You can join right then and in less than 2 minutes you could be learning EXACTLY how to lose weight for the last time.

2nd way to work with me and it is only for a select few…is private coaching. I only take on a few clients at a time so if you are ready to streamline your results in a customized way than go apply at weightlossforwomenover40.net/call 

And if you are not quite ready you can grab your free copy of “5 Reasons You Are Not Losing Weight Over 40” ebook at weightlossforwomenover40.net/book 

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Transcript

You weren't born hating your body, you Learned it. So on today's episode of Weight Loss for women over 40, I am so excited because I really wanna dive into this. And again, you weren't born hating your body, you Learned it. So we're gonna unlearn it today in this episode right here. So make sure that you tag this episode, download it, whatever you need to do to hold on to it because this is going to be a huge reminder and a way to move forward. So make sure you save this podcast however you can.

So welcome back to weight loss for women over 40. I am Nikki t and I have been in this industry for over 23 years and I've seen it all. I feel like I've haven't done it all in the sense of like I haven't tried every single diet. I have tried some diets and I unfortunately taught the whole dieters mentality in the beginning of my career and it's because that's how you're taught as a personal trainer, as a health coach, as a um, all these certifications, nutrition certified specialists, blah, blah blah.

So I get it and it does work, right? The dieter's mentality does essentially work. It can get you down to a body that you like, but the problem is you can't hold on to it and the reason is is because your brain has not solidified that leaner version of you so you can't hold it. You can't keep that leaner body which makes a lot of sense and then adding conditioning from growing up and and how much food is available to us in the US especially so again today we're going to take a gentle journey a stroll down memory lane to meet a very important little person your younger self.

So if you are listening to this episode while you're walking or if you're driving definitely earmark this you can listen to it but then go back and re listen to it when you're in a safe space where you can kind of close your eyes and really get into the space cause we're gonna get into it today. So if you're walking outdoors again don't close your eyes but if you're in a quiet space sitting you can absolutely do this so we're gonna take a journey back and meet the version of you your younger self because here's the truth that nobody talks about and nobody tells us again you weren't born hating the body that you have you Learned it.

And again we're not blaming mom dad guardians whoever taught it to you they're dealing with their own stuff but now that you're an adult you get to make your own decisions and the beautiful awesome news is that you can unlearn this just because you Learned how to hate your body doesn't mean you have to stay there you can unlearn it. So what I want you to do and you can absolutely close your eyes is I want you to think back to a memory in your childhood. Could be at any age.

But I want you to go back to a memory. Maybe it's a barbecue that you're at, maybe it's a day at the pool, maybe it was in school, maybe it was in an after school activity. Maybe it was in your house. I don't know. Maybe there was a moment where you felt really awkward in your body, in your swimsuit, in your clothes, and somebody made a comment about your body or what you were eating or what you were doing in that moment.

Take a moment and focus in on that period in your life. It may come in a flash. You may know instantly. You're like, yes, I remember that. Some may take a little bit, may take a little bit of peeling out off the onion a little bit. But those early moments, the things that we saw, maybe you saw your parents doing something or your mom telling, dragging you to Weight Watchers, right, or something like that.

The things that you saw, the things that you heard, the things that you felt shape how you relate to food in present day. It also shaped how you have reacted to your body over the years. So it's like over time, you're planting these little seeds, these little thoughts without realizing it. And every time your brain goes to that pattern it, it, um, plants another seed and these are seeds of shame. They are seeds of like, I need to do something about this. I'm too much I shouldn't look like this something like that.

So you're planting this garden essentially of not serving beliefs. So you basically have a weed garden of beliefs, limiting beliefs that are holding you back to moving forward. You get to decide what you wanna plant. I talked about this in one of my reels. Um, on any of the social media that you follow me, you can see it but like reels are like thoughts that just go by not real, sorry. Your thoughts are like clouds that go by and you can just watch them go by. You can just watch the clouds go by.

You can grab onto thoughts and and hold them close and kind of look at them right? We are not our thoughts. That's an amazing thing. Like we can you can separate your thoughts from you game on. Cause then you know you're not your thoughts. Think about how many thoughts that we have a day 67,000 thoughts, 40,000 of them I guarantee you are negative. And when you start looking at them, you get to decide, oh, do I wanna hold on to that one or do I just wanna let it go? Cause most of them you wanna let go until you get into the mindset skills, the tools that you need in order to create that new mindset that set you up for successful weight loss and keeping the weight off.

So go back to your little girl, that memory that you have. I want you to imagine in that moment, imagine your little version of you. What is she feeling in that moment? Is she scared? Is she confused? Maybe she's seeking love and acceptance. This is big with family members. If your parents kind of ignored you in certain circumstances, again, we're not blaming them, but if they or you felt ignored, right? Because again, there's always two sides to the story.

But if you felt ignored, then you would be seeking love and acceptance from this parent. And maybe you found it in food instead, or maybe you found comfort of love and acceptance when you and your dad used to go places and have ice cream together. So that little girl, that little version of you that is hurting inside from that moment, whatever it is, and there may be many moments in your life, you may be able to pick 5, 10 different ones, but there are some that really kind of pull your heart strings. Those are the ones you wanna focus on.

That little girl in that moment, she deserve kindness, safety and understanding, not criticism or rules shaming. So today we're gonna really practice reparenting yourself and giving that little girl version of you what she didn't get then. This is about compassion, not punishment. And for sure, not punishment for the people that you wanna blame. Okay, the parents, the guardians, all that.

So here are 3 simple ways to start reparenting yourself. This is a great way to heal that little girl version of you. Again, that little girl version of you is showing up in your everyday current reality. Because if you don't have the results that you want, if you don't have the body that you want, that little girl needs some nurturing. She needs some healing.

So here are three simple things that you can do to start this process. So No. 1, write a letter. Write a loving letter to your younger self. Tell her she's enough. Tell her how beautiful she is. Tell her how worthy she is, just as she is. Tell her all the things that you wanted to hear. Write it out.

Second, notice your inner dialogue. When you catch yourself criticizing your body or your food choices, I want you to really ask yourself, what would my younger self need to hear right now? What does she need in this moment? I know for me, when I start feeling anxious, I just wanna eat and I wanna kinda black out and numb cause I don't wanna feel anxious. What does my little version need?

What does she, maybe she needs a hug. Maybe she needs to go run out and go crazy. Like run in the streets. Not run in the streets, but you know what I mean? Like get some energy off could be very different for you but what do you need in that moment when you're criticizing yourself? Maybe you need a hug from your spouse. That's okay too. If you have an awesome spouse, they will be happy to give you a hug in that moment.

The third one is I want you to create a safe space physically and mentally. You can light a candle, you can play calming music or you can hold a comfort object, especially if you have one of your toys from a childhood like I still have my baby doll.

The other thing to is talking to yourself the way you needed to be talked to back then right? Our inner voice shapes our reality so start speaking to yourself like you were your own best friend or your favorite aunt if you had one say things like I love you no matter what you don't have to be perfect to be loved you get to be loved just because you exist you also deserve joy and peace and when you say things like this to yourself over time this will require your brain starts to quiet your inner critic and nurtures of self love.

So finding healing but also finding safety in that moment is going to be super helpful so if you're finding yourself grabbing for a bag of chocolate chip cookies and you are just had a fight with your partner and you feel cookies is the answer because again primitive brain is like yes that's the answer right that's also your little girl reacting to the patterns that you have created over time she thinks cookies is gonna help soothe you but and in the moment yeah probably does but we know that long term that is not going to get you the results that you want.

So it's not about not having cookies it's about making decisions in what you say you want in that moment in that like frantic anxious upset moment right when your emotions are high your intellect is really low. Think about teenagers right when there or someone who's blowing off steam or whatever which I even hate that word I mean but when someone is emotionally charged you don't make good decisions in that moment you have to bring yourself back down it has to balance out there has to be this leveling out where you can make intelligent decisions.

Think of it this way if you if you have an emotional connection so say let's say something happens to your daughter you're very upset you're not gonna be making decisions very well at that moment right but say someone else got hurt you don't really know them you're like on it it's it's a disconnect you don't have an emotional connection to that person so it's easier to make more rational decisions.

Same thing with your inner child right your inner child is having a hissy fit and freaking F out because it's like I need the cookies I need the cookies we gotta feel better. This sucks this moment sucks right? And you're in this emotional spin but you're not gonna make I hate to say smart or intelligent decision because it's not smart or dumb it's just what do you want? What are you going for?

What is how do you wanna treat your body for talking just physical body weight what decisions do you need to make in order to get that body? And again, it's not just it's it's understanding the patterns and the conditioning that we grew up with and understanding how to lay out that road map for you cause everybody is so different.

This is why I love working with my clients everybody is so different and I love when people come in and they tell me their jobs and what they do because they're all different you know and we think that our job is something that's gonna get in the way of having the body we want it's not it's all up here in your brain it's all the patterns and conditions and beliefs that you have that are stopping you from getting you the body you want.

So I hope this was super helpful to you I want you to treat yourself like that precious little girl that you once were because you weren't born to hate your body you were taught that and now being the adult that you are, you get to be the one to teach yourself love and the beauty of this is if you have kids, this will spill over into their lives. You don't even have to say anything. They will notice by the way you act right? Kids don't pick up on what we say, they pick up on what we do.

So if you want that extra little bump of yeah, I can influence my kids to have healthier habits or to be healthier in general, then do it for yourself first because it will overflow into their lives. Remember, if this was helpful, tag this, download it, whatever you gotta do to hold on to it to remind yourself that that little version of you need some love and safety and that's how you're gonna help move along and get the body that you want.

If you wanna take it deeper, absolutely you can join the mastermind change your body group. It is over at weightlossforwomenover40.net/group and or you can work with me privately. You can go to weightlossforwomenover40.net/call and book a call with me to see if you are a good fit for private coaching. I only take a few people for private coaching.  I'm very selective as to who I work with.

So if you feel inclined, go fill that out and if you're not ready to work with me, it's not a problem. These podcasts are gonna help you in so many ways. But also you can go to um my website and grab 5 reasons why you're not losing weight over 40. It's at weightlossforwomenover40.net/book and you can grab your free ebook today. I hope you have a beautiful summer day today. It is beautiful where I am right now and I will see you in the next episode. Take care.